I will make it cooler eventually, but I wanted to get his first post up! Leave questions in the comment section if you want to know more!
Note: The "BS" refers to the BS General Store and Saloon (and fine dining if you like frozen pizza) located in Follets, IA.
Here it is:
May 6, 2011.
Dateline: Kabul Afghanistan
From: George Shreves, Ambassador to USCENTCOM from BS
Subject: SITREP (for you BS’ers that means Situation Report – Duh!)
This is your humble servant, George, filing a report from camp Phoenix, outside Kabul Afghansitan. I apologize for the lateness of this first report, I have been busy with TS activities (TS means Top Secret – Duh).
Upon arrival on April 30, 2011, I was immediately summoned to the offices of General Wally Gator (who, incidentally, is the fastest alligator in the swamp). He inquired as to the nature of my mission, to which I replied I was here to humbly represent the interests of the Freedom Cell located at BS General Store in Follets, IA. He asked if Sue and Brenda worked there. I told him once in a while.
My first orders were to capture/kill OBL by any means possible. Knowing that the DFAC (cafeteria – Duh) closed in just a few short hours, I knew time was of the essence. While I can’t reveal all the details of my op (operation – duh) suffice it to say that a mere two hours later I was enjoying an Italian Beef sandwich at the DFAC, while OBL was not.
My accommodations here are rather Spartan. I was offered luxury accommodations at the State Department compound in Kabul, but in deference to the fighting men and women stationed here, I forewent that generous offer and chose instead to bunk in a hooch with the other warriors. My 8 x 6 space is cramped, what with the surveillance gear and empty coffee cups, but being on a 24 hour schedule, I spend little time there.
Through the State Department channels, I have petitioned the President to officially recognize Follets diplomatically, which could mean huge subsidies. If this comes through, I will need Bob Card to sign a treaty allowing gas to once again be sold.
Anybody catching any fish? Me either.
More to come. Stand by.
PS – some Bulgarian guy choked on a meatball the other day – he’s going to be OK.